Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
