my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
