I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize