just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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