The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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