bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
