I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
