The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
