My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
