May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
