I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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