You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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