Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
