the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
