Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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