Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
