Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
