I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
