How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
