Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
