Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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