she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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