I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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