Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
