dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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