Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
