the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
