i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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