Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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