so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
