i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
