Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
