how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
