I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
