we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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