i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
