yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
