Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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