cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
