yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
