apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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