How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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