My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think my fart just growled at me.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What a dumb baby whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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