So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
