so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
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Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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