i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
