Pappa wants mamma naked
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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