i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
