??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
