Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
