Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
