i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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