Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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