i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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