I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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