he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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