12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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