Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just gargled with NyQuil
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
