did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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