Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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