Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
