so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
