he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
