everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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