covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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